Monday, 15 August 2011

Indiana Jones

Given that there is another Indiana Jones movie in the pipeline, I thought I would reflect on a few questions.
 When Indy selflessly pours the contents of the Grail over his father's wounds, was the wine actually a placebo because Dr Jones Sr doesn't make it into the fourth movie?
 Next point I would like to raise is, over time did the knight become an obsessive compulsive owing to the fact that the goblets were neatly and precisely aligned in the chamber upon Indy entering. Who can blame him? It does kind of get get boring maintaining watch for a thousand years.
How else could the appearance of the knight have been more dramatic? What would have surprised Indiana Jones is if the knight had proclaimed:Congratulations! You are the millionth customer to have entered in the course of a thousand years. Please accept this cheque! Trouble is it might bounce because the original money has been eaten up by inflation and interest over a thousand years.
 Alternatively, after Dr Jones had tentatively sampled the contents of the Grail fearing being shrivelled up by accelerated old age, the knight could have yelled jubilantly:Smile you are on Candid Camera!
Ultimately, the only question you'll ask yourself when viewing Indiana Jones 5 is how many more sequels will they make since Dr Jones is immortal? Or worse still, will they produce a prequel if he locates the Fountain of  Youth?

Tuesday, 5 July 2011

Hunter Aliens

Information you need to know about dealing with Hunter Aliens....

Don't follow up a distress signal if the caller does not answer.

The likelihood is he's probably out to lunch...

Never go to the toilet unaccompanied.
 And if you do, don't dream of resting your rifle against a tree.
Even if it's only for a few seconds- always keep it at hand.

 Never be the funny or cool guy who makes all the wise cracks because...
 he's usually the second to be iced. The reason being is if he were the last to disappear then the movie would be classified as a comedy not a horror action.
 Likewise, if you have any valuable skills or abilities.....

 keep it to yourself because being knowledgeable
gets you no where.... Have you not learnt yet

  that the hero has to resolve things alone.

 Remember once all the movie extras are gone, like miner's canaries, that's not the time to sit back.

If you notice a shadow that moves and you're standing still...
 then that's not your shadow.
And finally, should you inevitably bump into a hunter alien,
have a catch phrase handy that you remembered from an opened Christmas cracker.

In the jungle you can scream, as it is not space and everyone can hear you. However, you will probably be mistaken for a howler monkey...

Hope that was useful.

Monday, 4 July 2011

Grey Aliens

After having appeared in Roswell New Mexico, these galactic trespassers like to drop in from time to time.

Their aim is to collect data from healthy specimens but....
they always have the misfortune of contacting humans with a future book deal in mind or

 who are simply trailer trash....
Not that they mean any harm. It's just that they have yet

 to find someone of acclaim to present their side of the argument on talk shows.

 Poor fellows.

Once in a while, they do get portrayed in a good light by Hollywood.

 However, not that very often....

 Ultimately, they just like to hang out with the truth...
somewhere out there...

Sunday, 3 July 2011

Favourite James Bond Villains Part 3

 Rosa Klebb:Trained in Russia but having defected to SPECTRE Rosa Klebb
 is number 3 in the organisation.

She is adept at interrogating captives
 and trailing Bond to his hotel in Paris.

Thursday, 30 June 2011

Favourite James Bond Villains Part 2

 Auric Goldfinger: A Latvian with a passion for golf and gold who is
always accompanied by his faithful bodyguard Oddjob.

Red Grant:Fathered by a circus strongman
  and a less than trustworthy compartment mate

 on the Orient Express.

Sunday, 26 June 2011

Favourite James Bond Villains

Francisco Scaramanga: Apparently he honed his shooting skills in his father's circus. His only friend was a circus elephant. His preferred weapon was a golden Derringer.

 Ernst Stavro Blofeld: Highly intelligent, a graduate of Warsaw University and without doubt James Bond's primary nemesis.

 Dr. Julius No:An actual medical doctor armed with metal pincers. In order to appear taller he wears stocked shoes.